I was talking to a co-worker the other day who recently became a mom. She is back to work 5-days a week in-office and in that transition phase that many of working moms can relate to. My kids are both in middle school, but I still remember what the days were like having babies and toddlers. We were sharing what our evenings look like as moms. Mine consist of driving my kids around what feels like endlessly. Dinner is often eaten in the car going from one sport to another. When I finally get home, I am often too tired to prep for the next day but always force myself too knowing it will make my morning easier. Her evenings consist of cleaning out the daycare bag, figuring out dinner; bedtime routine, playing with and getting all the quality time she can with her baby, prepping for the next day.
I shared that I empathized with her and it’s not lost on me how exhausting, it can be in that baby and toddler phase because it is 100% hands on. My stage of life is still busy and exhausting but it is very different than being in the trenches of that “can’t take your eyes off them” phase.
We talked about the morning routine too and in that moment she said something that made me laugh, even though it was not meant to be funny.
“I now shower at night because the mornings are too chaotic. But I don’t like being a shower at night person, I like being a shower in the morning person.”
In that moment we both started laughing. I quickly thought to myself what would be helpful to say in response besides just a laugh. I am always careful not to say things that appear to try to one up like “oh just wait until they are in middle school, then life will get really busy”. I find it strikes people down when other moms give the “oh just wait” response as a way to try to show how their life is also busy or busier.
Instead, I simply said, “I promise you will not always have to be a shower at night person” and smiled. I left it at that, and I think that was the right move as she smiled back, and we then carried on about other topics.
This got me thinking about the self-care things or even basic hygiene needs we shift as moms for the good of our households. It could be as simple as showering at night to ensure the morning time runs smoothly. Maybe you love getting pedicures but paint your nails at home now because finding time to get away to the salon becomes a chore.
If you are a mom struggling with putting your needs first sometimes or maybe even identifying what your need are, you need to hear this.
Self-care is not selfish.
Maybe say it out loud a few times.
The word “needs” can be looked at multiple ways. I am not talking about basic needs like shelter and food; we have needs as human beings that go beyond the basics. We attempt to meet a variety of our family’s needs each day whether it be with love and affection or ensuring their social and physical needs are met with extracurricular activities. It’s going to look different for each person and each family.
We have self needs and that is not selfish.
Do I need to get a pedicure every now and then? Well, no. But I have learned that when I can meet this self-care want that it makes me much happier; and being happy is good thing.
One of the ways I give myself self-care is with a regular workout routine. I learned early on as a mom that I need that physical burn for many reasons including my mental health. If I don’t, I suffer which likely means my household suffers.
When my kids were younger, I attended a weekly bible study/working mom group. This was a struggle each week battling with my internal mom guilt to be gone at bedtime. But it was not selfish to be taking care of my spiritual and emotional health. It made me a better mom and wife.
Self-care doesn’t have to be a big to-do. It could be 10 minutes of silence each day so you can sip coffee or pray or just sit in silence. What you find rejuvenating will be unique to you.
There will be seasons of life we have to be shower at night people because that is just how life runs best. But maybe that means on the weekends you can be a shower in the morning person. Be realistic about what makes your family run best, but don’t lose complete sight of yourself as well.
What are a few “needs” you have as a mom? As a wife? As a woman?
RELATED:
PIN THIS!
Read more of Stephanie’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
