Raising Kids Who Are Good Friends + A Prayer for the Year Ahead

My name is Rebecca. I’m a mom. I worry.

There, I said it.

I got it out into the open.

I worry.

I want my children to be liked. I want my children to be successful. I want my children to thrive. And, I want my children to be respected by everyone! We all want this for our kids I think. As a result of this we’ve been very intentional on a few things we are teaching our children. Is it foolproof? No, but we hope that it helps our children develop strong relationships and grow in confidence with who they are uniquely created to be.

As we prepare for the start of the school year, these thoughts are on my mind as I pack up their school supplies, buy new backpacks and get schedules in order. How will the school year go? How can I prepare myself as well as my kids? Pray! Now is a great time to have conversations and spend time as a family in prayer over our specific worries for the new year ahead.

As I talk with my kids about being a good friend, here is where I begin:

1. Compassion – we want our children to be able to express compassion for others. We can all get stuck in the “Me” mindset, so we are working on age appropriate ways to show them what compassion looks like. Sometimes it may look like my husband and I modeling compassion to others. It may be lending a helping hand to a neighbor, or reaching out to a friend who needs our help. We are also busy trying to begin things like being intentionally generous during Thanksgiving/Christmas with things like building homeless care packages and handing those out. I also love the idea of sending letters to the military, and explaining to them about the sacrifices people are making for us. On Martin Luther King Jr. day we had conversations about friendship and treating everyone equally. These are ongoing conversations throughout their entire life and are not one off conversations. This won’t be accomplished overnight. It can be as simple as a reminder that they may encounter people in school that need help, that don’t seem to have a friend, or who might feel alone. I want my kids to be able to show compassion. How am I doing it in my own life?
2. Empathy – We want our children to be able to understand how others are feeling and to be able to interact about their feelings. Instead of bottling up any feelings I want them to be able to help others and express themselves. We ask them questions like “How does that make you feel?” and “How do you think that made <her/him> feel?” When they understand how something makes them feel, they are often able to understand why they should or shouldn’t do something because of how it may make others feel.
3. “Be a good Friend Today” – We say this to our kids when we drop them off at school each day. It simple, but we hope that it reminds them of #1 and #2 so that when they are interacting with their friends they are learning to listen well and love other people well. I know it hits differently as I sent my junior high student to school versus my elementary student, but it is important no matter the age.
4. “I Forgive You” – When our kids fight, we make them say the words, “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.” It might feel forced sometimes, but suddenly, one day, after a fight they will do it themselves and you will know it was all worth it. Training them not to harbor resentment and anger is important. Unforgiveness can simply eat you up from the inside out. Teaching our kids the value of forgiveness is essential in equipping them to work through the inevitable conflicts which await them as they grow older.
5. Open Conversation – We hope we are creating a home where all conversations are okay. They may be hard, but they are important for helping our kids wrestle with tough questions and issues. These questions will arise, so we want our home to be a safe place and we want our kids to know that they can ask anything.
6. Confidence – We want our children to feel confident and excel in their specific gifts. We try to avoid placing our own gifts on them, but rather building up the things we see that they love and do well.
7. Unoffendable – We live in a world that is very offendable. The world wants to be offended by everything. We want to raise our kids to be slow to anger, quick to listen, able to hear people well, join a conversation in constructive ways and express themselves in a healthy manner when they are in a difficult conversation with someone around them.

Spend some time in prayer as you think through all these areas. Here is a prayer for you for the school year ahead, whether it has already started for you or will be starting soon. As we work through each of these different areas we ask ourselves how Jesus treats people and how we can model those behaviors toward others. We are not perfect at all this stuff, but we know that fostering children who are good listeners, who love well and who seek to understand and be a good friend to those around them will serve them well.

Pray:

Heavenly father, today we bring the newness of the school year to you. We bring our fears, our worries and our anxieties and lay them at your feet. We ask you to show us how we can grow to be a good friend. We ask you to show us how you want us to walk. Lord, we pray for every person that will interact with our kids this year. Help friendships to grow. Help teachers to be rooted in you. Help my kids to trust in you, to seek you, to love you. Help me to let go when I need to let go and fight when I need to fight. Help me to model my relationship with you in the best ways! Lord, I put this school year at your feet. Amen.

PIN THIS!