The second you became a mom, you likely put your needs second. You might have even put them third and bumped your spouse’s needs above your own. Throw in multiple kids, aging parents you may be helping, and a few other things and all of a sudden you are way down on the priority list.
It can take awhile to realize how far down the list you’ve fallen. For me, this realization comes every now and then. It wasn’t like one day I thought about it and then boom it was fixed. It creeps up on me. It usually involves me feeling extra tired or cranky. Sometimes all it takes is me looking down at my feet and realizing it’s been entirely too long since I got a pedicure.
Whatever form it creeps up in, I know I need to listen to it.
If you are a mom struggling with putting your needs first sometimes or maybe even identifying what your need are, you need to hear this.
Self-care is not selfish.
Maybe say it out loud a few times.
The word “needs” can be looked at multiple ways. I am not talking about basic needs like shelter and food; we have needs as human beings that go beyond the basics. We attempt to meet a variety of our family’s needs each day whether it be with love and affection or ensuring their social and physical needs are met with extracurricular activities. It’s going to look different for each person and each family.
We have self needs and that is not selfish.
Do I need to get a pedicure every now and then? Well, no. But do I need to carve out time to take care of myself? My answer is yes.
One of the ways I give myself self-care is with a regular workout routine. I learned early on as a mom that I need that physical burn for many reasons including my mental health. If I don’t, I suffer which likely means my household suffers.
I also get regular manicures and pedicures. I understand this comes at a financial cost and if I were not able to have them done, I would have that self-need met by doing them myself because it is something that does bring me some self-joy. But it is not selfish.
When my kids were younger, I attended a weekly bible study/working mom group. This was a struggle each week battling with my internal mom guilt to be gone at bedtime. But it was not selfish to be taking care of my spiritual and emotional health. It made me a better mom and wife.
Self-care doesn’t have to be a big to-do. It could be 10 minutes of silence each day so you can sip coffee or pray or just sit in silence. What you find rejuvenating will be unique to you.
What are a few “needs” you have as a mom? As a wife? As a woman?
Be honest with yourself, and remember: Self-care is not selfish.
Read more of Stephanie’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
