Maybe it’s the age of my kids. Maybe it’s because I’m overly sensitive or feeling especially burdened by this right now. Maybe it’s not even an actual thing, but I am sensing a new tension brewing in parenting philosophies. Historically, there have been differing views on breastfeeding vs formula, stay at home vs working mom, and cloth vs disposable diapers, just to name a few. This one is new to me though: monitoring your kids grades vs pushing them to be responsible on their own.
I see both sides of this “new” argument. I think a healthy medium can be found between constantly checking your kids’ academic progress and teaching them to take full ownership of it. What is surprising to me is the stance that I see some parents and teachers taking, like it’s an all or nothing thing. And frankly, I am feeling guilt for checking my kids grades, and I feeling guilt if I don’t.
But isn’t that parenting in a nutshell?
Guilt is such a rotten beast, always. But guilt is never more unwelcome and unhelpful than when there is no clear right or wrong. When there are so many factors to consider and personalities at play, there really is zero space to allow guilt a seat at the table.
I have four kids with four widely varying strengths and weaknesses. What works well for one could prove disastrous for another. I have a kid who is driven and is a great advocate for themselves. I have another kid who, if left to their own devices, could go an entire school year and turn in no homework. One kid needs reminding that school isn’t everything, that making time for FUN is important too. Another needs to be reminded that you’ve got to buckle down and take school work seriously.
I think it’s my job as the mom to help fill in the gaps. And those will be different for each kid. I’ve got to instill in these four kids that they must work hard to succeed, but I want them to know that I am here to help them to that end. I’ve got to instill in them that what other people think or say or insinuate is not what matters. What matters is doing our best, in schoolwork, in parenting, and in life.
So mama, here we are again. We keep finding ourselves at this familiar crossroad in parenting and it feels like we have to pick a lane. We don’t. We just have to keep meandering down the road and doing the best we can. And if we need to pop in some earbuds to block out the voices of the naysayers, so be it.
Read more of Abbie Mabary’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
