I am not the type of person to hang on to things for sentimental reasons. I toss Christmas cards from friends and family on December 26, I don’t have a room overflowing with crafts my kids made in preschool and my fridge has literally zero things displayed on it. I am not a total monster, I do have framed pictures in our house, some of which are actually art my kids did when they were small and I have some totes in our garage labeled “memories” where I store things like art or cards or yearbooks that I don’t want to part with.
When I do hang onto something, it has a lot of meaning to me. I keep anniversary cards from my husband in my nightstand and love reading them every once in a while. I have a curio cabinet that I have never quite found a perfect spot for in our house but it was my grandma’s, so I want to keep it forever.
A small yet super important thing I have kept for years now is a piece of paper with notes from a church sermon. It’s actually from 2010. What was this particular sermon about that was impactful enough for me to keep notes for 14 years?
Six ways to ruin your marriage.
It was a great message 14 years ago when I was more of a newlywed and it is still a great message this many years later. I have it tucked away in my nightstand and though I have it memorized at this point, I still like that piece of paper to hang onto to jog my memory whenever I come across it.
Almost anytime my husband and I are having conflict, the following six things will run across my brain and more often than not, one of them will be the source of that conflict. Here they are:
- Don’t communicate
As parents, we become so invested in our children that sometimes we put communication on a back burner. I am in the parenting stage right now where my kids are insanely busy so our evenings are often chauffeuring them around and dividing and conquering with my husband to get them where they need to be. My husband and I even joke that we will catch up with each other when our kids go to college. But open communication is crucial. The number one reason my husband and I will argue is over a lack of communication, which then typically leads to me feeling overwhelmed about something…which always leads to me having a short fuse. - Forget your commitment
I love my husband every day. Not every second of every day, that’s for sure. We certainly have our typical frustrations with each other. Marriage doesn’t mean you will be happy 100% of the time. But it does mean you will be committed 100% of the time. Try to remember the reason you chose that person. For me, when I am feeling overly frustrated in my marriage, my “default” thought is always the laughter that my husband brings to me. In those moments where I am annoyed, feeling defeated etc, I try to remind myself of that. Even in those moments where it’s hard to do so. - Be selfish
This does not mean you can’t have “me” time or have days where you are feeling more overwhelmed than usual. We are human. But marriage means we have chosen someone else to share a life with. It means that we always have someone else to be thinking about and, in turn, someone else is always thinking about us. That’s a reassuring feeling, in my opinion. - Ruin the finances
I have known people that keep secrets from their spouse regarding finances. Spending, debt when they entered the marriage, gambling addictions and so on. Times may get tough financially but keeping your spouse in the dark is most certainly not going to have a good outcome.
In our marriage, we both contribute about equally financially but my husband manages all the finances. This is simply because I don’t want to and he likes doing it. But we do have conversations every so often to ensure we are aligned when it comes to our finances. - Don’t have sex
I’m not going to go into this one. Being a mom is exhausting, I know. But this is an important component of a marriage and the bond between a husband and wife. - Don’t work at it
Marriage is hard sometimes. Throwing in the towel and not working on it will only lead to more work. I would rather work a little bit every day in my marriage than come to a point where I realize some large repairs are needed.
There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Marriage requires work every single day. As a parent, it is easy to forget this. We get so busy and pulled in so many different directions. It’s easy to take your marriage for granted because you trust it will always be there. But a strong marriage takes constant effort. I don’t know what future challenges life has in store for me but I pray that my husband and I will always have a shared interest of keeping our marriage a priority. We strive to put our marriage first, then our kids. In our relationship, if we are strong then it typically means our kids are cared for and happy. There is no perfect formula and every marriage is different. But the above “Six Ways” really seem to be something that can speak to any marriage.
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