photo credit: iStock/Nilanka Sampath
“Light is sweet. How pleasant to see a new day dawning.” -Ecclesiastes 11:7
I have this verse on a letter board in my son’s nursery because I knew I would need it desperately during this first year. It may be small but it is powerful and encouraging no matter what trials we are facing. In my current stage of life, it very much applies to sleepless nights! I wish I had soaked up this verse eleven years ago, when my sleep deprivation journey began.
My first son was a terrible sleeper. After a few months, I was actually so tired that for a moment I thought my blankets were the baby. Yes, that’s how bad it was! My husband thought I had gone insane because I was literally digging through the blankets believing I saw him. He was safely in his crib down the hall!
It was difficult to accept that as moms, our nights are for our children. I thought that surely there must be another way! We all hear parents talking about their lack of sleep before we have kids but nothing can prepare you. Their needs come first no matter how desperately we want to sleep. What a terrifying and heartwarming thought all at once!
I don’t know about you, but I was blissfully unaware of the physical and emotional toll that comes with having a new baby. Little rest makes that a lot more difficult to get through. I prayed and prayed for my to baby sleep! It seemed like such a simple request. As the sleep didn’t improve, I became more and more resentful. I was even resentful of our cat as I saw him sleeping peacefully on the couch each day. Sleep was all I could think about and my days began and ended with discouragement.
Sometimes, even when you do everything right, your baby just won’t sleep. It can be even harder when you have other children depending on you and you desperately wish you had enough time and energy left over for them.
Whether you work full time or stay home with the kids, it is absolutely daunting to take on the day if you haven’t slept. Those nights can feel dark and lonely as the rest of your household sleeps and you watch the clock tick as the hours slip away. The exhaustion sinks down deep into our bones where we didn’t even know that kind of tired existed. Especially in that fog of the first year.
With each new sleepless baby my husband and I had, the only thing that encouraged me was remembering that Jesus gives us the strength we need for each day. Instead of begging Him for sleep and being disappointed when it didn’t happen, I started to pray that He would sustain me and help me endure the sleepless days and nights.
I tried to trust that Jesus would give me the energy I needed even when it seemed it would be impossible to function with so little rest. When I became less focused on a certain number of hours, I was able to slowly improve my perspective on being up all night with a baby.
Now I sit there in my son’s cozy nursery, rocking him at all hours of the night in our creaky rocking chair, and I find peace when I look at that verse in the glow of his nightlight. Sure, I’m beyond tired and desperately wish I was sleeping, but I also try to dwell on the fact that I’m here with this sweet baby. I get to see a new day dawning with him and with my family. I get to be the one who comforts him through the night and helps him sleep.
I know it’s hard to be optimistic when you’re sleep deprived, believe me! I also know that it is possible to find some encouragement along the way. Not only are so many other moms going through this, but we are never alone even on the darkest and most miserable nights because Jesus is there holding us while we hold our babies. “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” -Isaiah 66:13
I’m now trudging through these sleepless nights for the fourth time. There have been some very difficult months, and it still gets overwhelming at times. I just keep praying for relief and rest. I pray for God’s strength because I know I can’t do this on my own.
Here is the good news for any of you first time moms: It will get better! You will get through this delirious time in your life. I have seen it happen three times before and I know that any time now I will get through it once more. It may not be in the time frame we expect, but I promise you it will get better.
So, how many moms out there can hardly keep their eyes opened right now? How many of you walk by your bedroom with a baby on your hip and stare longingly at your pillow? We’ll be there again someday. In the meantime, just remember that what we are doing matters. Pouring comfort and care into our babies matters more than we will ever know.
Read more of Maria’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
