I wouldn’t trade life with my family of six for anything. I love all of the different personalities, the way we support each other, and the memories we make. Even so, there are certainly some hard days around here. The kind of days that feel like that classic scene from Home Alone. You know, when the power goes out so the entire family at the McAllister house sleeps in and almost misses their flight? The film reel is sped up as they run around the house in an absolute panic trying to get ready.
That is how I sometimes picture my household with our four kids. It can be a mad rush trying to coordinate everyone and everything. On the really crazy days though, the ones when I’m running behind and everyone is crying, on those days the overwhelming chaos can quickly spiral out of control and land me in a pit of mom-guilt. I hate how this guilt steals my joy, and I really hate how easy it is to let it!
Moms have this unique ability where we manage to worry about so many things at once it is a wonder our heads don’t actually explode. I don’t know about you, but once I start feeling guilty about one thing it just reminds me of all the other things I feel guilty about. This usually happens when I’m already overwhelmed and then I guess my mom brain thinks, “Hey, things are already going terribly today, why don’t you heap on a pile of guilt about all the ways you are letting your children down? That’ll help you calm down!”
Let me paint you a picture of how this unproductive thought-process usually unfolds and maybe you can relate. The baby is crying because he has been stuck in the car seat for what seems like the entire day while his siblings are shuffled to school and sports. I am desperate to get home so he can be fed and enjoy a much-needed break from the car. I tell myself there is no way he will develop properly because he hasn’t had tummy time today, wasn’t offered a variety of baby food, and hasn’t had a proper nap.
Credit: iStock | Ozgurcankaya
The car in front of me is going five under the speed limit and has a bumper sticker that I can’t stand, so it feels a little more valid to be impatient with them. This leads me to say some angry things. While I say them, I remind my kids that I’m being a terrible example and should be kind to everyone-desperately hoping they don’t mimic this behavior when they drive someday. I am also hitting every red light which leads to more ranting.
The preschooler is losing it because he is hungry and he dropped his toy car. Older sibling number one just wants to tell me about his day and has been interrupted ten times, and older sibling number two just wants silence and slowly bangs his forehead against the window, praying the car ride of misery will come to end.
I realize that even once we are home I won’t have time to make the dinner I had planned. While thinking of home I’m reminded of the pets. I know the guinea pig will hear us come in and he will be squeaking and leaping around his cage with joyful anticipation for some attention and carrots. The carrots will happen-the attention, probably not.
When we feed the dog his dinner, he will run and grab the ball for a game of fetch that we don’t have time for. He will stare at me with his sweet, brown, Labrador-eyes and I know it will crush him when I shut the door in his face and say, “Sorry, Kevin. Not today.” So. Much. Guilt.
Credit: iStock | Chalabala
As all of this plays out and I start to sweat, it is like my mind is having a battle with itself. I know I should take a deep breath and calm down. I know that it is just a stressful moment and we will all survive. Instead, I typically start to picture all the things that should be different and all of the ways I have failed my kids.
Failed them by having a bad temper instead of grace and failed them by not meeting enough of their individual needs. This is a hard one to accept; moms can’t meet every need all the time. Oh, how we wish we could! Our car rides aren’t perfect, our homes aren’t perfect, and every day there is a list of things we could have done better or could have done more of.
So, what can we do after diving into that pool of mom-guilt? How do we get out of it? It’s so easy to swim around in there and wallow in our shortcomings.
One of the first things I think of is Matthew 6:34:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I have known this verse for as long as I can remember and I’m quick to repeat it to my children when they’re overwhelmed. Why is it so hard for me to put it into action? Maybe I need to have it tattooed on the back of my hand so I will be reminded of its truth while I’m driving.
While I pray for the self-control and trust to live out Matthew 6:34, I can also try to finish well. Even when those crazy, guilt-filled days come, it is possible for us to finish them well.
That’s what matters to our kids. Even if there isn’t a lot of time left in the day there are small things we can do that matter. Sure, they might remember the car ride of misery, but they can also go to sleep thinking about the book you read, the song you sang, or the way you listened about their day.
Maybe play a game or watch a family movie if you can. I know for us, some pancakes for dinner can be a great way to reset on days like that! These little moments with our kids can fill our hearts up and remind us that they will be ok, regardless of all the things we didn’t do.
Credit: iStock | Skynesher
No matter what mom-guilt you’re dealing with today, no matter how big or small your worries, try to remember you are not alone. Your kids love you, and I’d be willing to bet that you are doing a lot better of a job than you give yourself credit for!
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Read more of Maria’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
