The Benefit of Creating Chore Expectations for Your Family

I struggle with assigning chores.

My 13-year-old just started doing his own laundry. It is something I kept wanting to hand over to him but couldn’t quite let go of. I know some of my friends had their kids start doing their own laundry at a younger age like around 10 and others will likely send their kids off to college not knowing how to do such a task.

What is the right age for a kid to start doing their own laundry? There really is no right answer in my opinion. It could be 10, it could be 18 when they are in the dorms and end up learning from their roommate.

It is going to vary from family to family. For me, there were a few factors that resulted in me handing over the torch. First, at 13, he really should be more than capable of handling this chore. He also wants responsibility the older he gets; not necessarily in the form of chores but you can’t win ‘em all. The factor that weighed the heaviest is that I was absolutely sick and tired of him asking, “mom do I have any clean shirts?” when he had a laundry basket full to the brim of dirty clothes. I tried the rule of telling the kids to bring their laundry to the laundry room each day but this wasn’t successful and constantly resulted in me nagging them with reminders.

As we settle into the routine of back to school and the busy-ness that comes with it, it got me thinking; what other household chores can I pass the torch on?

I tend to micromanage things in my household which means I often have an “I’ll just do it myself” attitude”. But as fall settles in with the kids in school, my husband and I working full time, me in the office now five days per week and our evenings consisting of shuttling kids to and from extracurriculars; I don’t think I am doing myself any favors by micromanaging chores.

Parceling out chores will be dependent largely on the ages of your kids. Mine are both in middle school so the sky is almost the limit as far as what they should be capable of.

The hurdle I am still working through is getting over the worry that they may not do something exactly like I would, or they might “miss a spot” when wiping down the kitchen table or other surfaces. To some that might sound crazy because a mostly clean table or counter is better than a mostly messy one. But it’s something I honestly battle with internally.

What helps me is reminding myself that the longer I put off giving my kids chores, the more I am just enabling them to be dependent on me. Plus, the more I am just continually adding to my plate when I don’t need to be.

I want my kids to be self sufficient people. I want them to feel like they need me a little even when they are grown but I do not want them to be completely helpless when it comes to basic things like laundry and loading a dishwasher.

We have some great resources here on AllMomDoes including a printable and ideas that will help if your kids are younger. Every age can help around the house, but I remember when my kids were little, I often got stuck on trying to figure out what chores actually made sense for them to be pitching in on.

The struggle in my experience as the kids get older is that they become so darn busy. My husband and I believe that idle hands can be the devil’s workshop for pre-teens and teens, so we are very supportive of extracurricular activities to keep our kids busy. I am also a believer that kids need some downtime to do nothing but actually chill. I don’t want their days completely filled with school, extra curriculars, homework and chores. I want them to know what boredom feels like. I also want them to know that things don’t just magically clean themselves and that I don’t exactly have time on my hands to be taking on all the chores. We are all busy and that means that everyone needs to pitch in.

There is a balance that I navigate regularly as it changes each week depending on what our schedules look like. Some weeks just simply are busier than others so teaching my kids to see when they need to step up a little more or when they might need to ask for grace; those are skills I want them to have.

As the school year settles in, I am praying for many things. For my kids safety, for their success, for them to have positive relationships. But I am also praying for my own strength to keep committed to raising kids to be self-sufficient and capable people.

Do you sometimes struggle with things like chores and enabling your kids to know how to do basic things like clear a kitchen table? Or do you deserve a gold start because your kids have been doing their own laundry since elementary school? I’d love to hear!

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