You know those moments when you’re reading your Bible and a voice says, “Read that part again and this time, really take it in.”? Well, this happened to me a few nights ago.
I was reading a passage in John where Jesus was speaking to his disciples:
“You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I will come to you.’ If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I.” John 14:28
I sat with those words and wondered why they were important enough that the Holy Spirit would poke me and tell me to pay attention.
The next night I received the news that my dear friend, Monica, had died. She had been sick for a long time, first battling cancer and then fighting the results of her treatments. This year, they couldn’t seem to pinpoint why she was feeling so poorly, or how to fix her. She was in and out of the hospital while they did tests and tried to help her. We all held out hope that they would find a treatment that would return her to her old self again.
Instead, she “went away”.
I thought of a world without Monica in it and I was heartbroken.
I ignored the fact that her body was healed for the first time in years. I “forgot” that her last months were completely miserable. I did not focus on the loving Father who waited to welcome her home.
Instead, I remembered the beautiful prayer shawl she made for me when I came home from my own health battle. I pictured the handmade cards she always sent to me on holidays, and the time she put in a paper butterfly that flew out when I opened the card. I thought about the crazy hats she made for my grandkids and the crocheted chick wearing bunny ears that I lovingly set out every Easter. I remembered her calming, sweet voice on the other end of the phone line, exuding humor and grace no matter the circumstances.
PC: Ann Kirsten
None of those things would ever happen again. My heart literally hurt when I thought about all I would miss out on without Monica in my life.
And then, I was reminded of the verse I was told to focus on:
“If you loved me, you would have rejoiced…”
Monica’s precious body, her earth suit, had been so broken. It couldn’t sustain life anymore and it was her time to “go away”. I was certainly not rejoicing for her, instead I was focusing on myself and all the things I would miss out on.
It was time for that to change.
I brought out my old photo albums and looked at all the pictures of Monica.
In the pictures, she was young and healthy and full of hope and joy. Her body had not been ravaged by pain and disease, and life had not kicked her around. She exuded happiness and laughter. She had eternity spread out before her and her view was beautiful.
Those pictures are old and fuzzy now, but after looking at them, my heart hurt less. They weren’t just old pictures of Monica, they symbolized where she was now. The pain she went through in this world is gone and she is smiling once again.
Although I will always miss her (and feel sorry for myself at times) I am cautioned that this is a time for me to rejoice too.
So, I am (trying to be) happy for you, dear Monica.
Congratulations on going home.
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Read more of Ann’s contributions to allmomdoes here.
