I’ve had my share of health struggles. I was put on bed rest with my third child and I already had a four and two year old. I had my first of four back surgeries when my youngest (that third child was born healthy!) was just 18 months. My next three back surgeries came within a span of six years. During all my health issues, none of my kids were over the age of 12.
Chaos was our family’s middle name. “Mom can’t” was our mantra. And those little sunshines, as darling as they were, still needed to eat, bathe, get to school and activities, and be put to bed.
So how did I do it all when I was often physically incapacitated? With the help of amazing friends, family and loved ones who walked alongside our family through those trying days.
Someone once asked me, “How do we prepare for the hard places in life? Is it possible even?” My answer, “Absolutely. It’s about adding what you need into your life before the crisis hits. And the key addition is friends and support people who will be there for you no matter what.”
You might be thinking to yourself, “That’s easier said than done.” And I admit, it’s not easy. But who you walk with on the good days will be the same people you’ll need by your side on the bad days. Do you have those trusted people in your life? If not, how can you get them?
Ask for Help
When I was in the throes of incapacitation, it was the help of others that got me through. One woman I hardly knew (who is now a best friend) drove my daughter to preschool, even on the days I had to send her in pajamas or with knotted hair because I couldn’t muster the fight. Countless people—some I knew well, others not so well—watched my kids, brought me food, cleaned my kitchen, gave my husband the night off, drove the carpool, sat by my bedside, ran my errands, or changed my sheets.
Maybe you’re in the middle of a hard place right at this very moment. Illness, anxiety, depression, single parenting, difficult toddlers, emotional mid-schoolers, wayward teens, or aging parents might be defining your every waking moment. And you feel like you need someone to help but don’t know how to ask.
My husband taught me a valuable lesson in those needy years for our family: if you don’t allow people to help you, you rob them of the blessing of serving you. He reminded me how great it felt when I could serve others, so I needed to put myself in their shoes and allow them to do the same.
Many times when we’re drowning in crisis, we turn down people’s kind offers. We let our pride, shame, embarrassment, or self-sufficiency stand in the way of getting what we need. We push people away when we should grab ahold of them like a lifeline to pull us to shore. And we wonder why no one is helping us, or why we feel so desperate and isolated.
Or maybe in your situation you’re not getting countless offers of help or support. Perhaps that’s because you’ve not come out and asked directly for what you need. It’s important to voice the pain, and your need for help to someone. If they don’t know about your struggle, it’s impossible to offer help.
Take it from a fellow traveler who’s been where you are: shore up the lines of friendship in your life before you need them. Invest in people around you today by helping them out in their time of need. And if you’re in the middle of the mess yourself right now, be brave enough to open your mouth and ask a friend for help. And then be willing to accept it.
Sarah Beckman is a national speaker and bestselling author. She is passionate about helping people find hope and love well. For more information on how to navigate your hard place or come alongside a friend in need, check out Sarah Beckman’s books, Alongside and Hope in the Hard Places, or connect with her at www.sarahbeckman.org
