I lived paycheck-to-paycheck when my kids were young. Sometimes, after paying the bills, I had less than twenty dollars left over to live on for two weeks. That meant that there wasn’t any money left over for extras like Christmas or Easter outfits. I was blessed to have friends with older kids. Their hand-me-downs kept my kids clothed.
One year, I just felt called to scrape together enough money for Easter dresses for my daughters. I guiltily went to a department store sale and bought two little dresses. Of course, the girls were thrilled.
My youngest daughter especially fell in love with her dress. She was three at the time and her dress was light blue with a white pinafore. Whenever she put her dress on, her whole being changed. She walked differently, she held her skirt out lovingly and she seemed almost ethereal in her movements.
That little one of mine was a sweet, caring child, unusually introspective and intuitive for one so young. She rarely cried as a baby and seemed to have an adult soul packed into an adorable toddler body. She was drawn to God pretty much from the beginning.
One day, while she was wearing her new dress, she came in full of excitement and said, “Mom, guess what?!” And then she leaned in close and whispered, “I’m going to wear this dress when I meet Jesus.”
My heart dropped. I wanted to yell, “No, you’re not!”
Already an anxious person, that almost did me in. Was that why I had felt compelled to buy her a dress, so that she could experience new clothes before she met her Jesus?
After that, I was a mess. I would check on her in the night. I looked out the window when she played outside, and every time she wore that blue dress I would wonder if that was the day she would leave me.
I grew to hate that lovely little gown.
I lived in anxiety for more than a year, and then one day I noticed the dress seemed a little snug in the shoulders. I put it in a bag and practically threw it at a friend who had a younger daughter. The dress was her problem now. I have never been so happy to have a child outgrow their clothes!
I felt silly after all that worrying. It turns out she didn’t meet her savior in the little blue dress. Who knows why she said what she did. Toddler brains are hard to understand at the best of times.
My little daughter is a lovely mommy of her own kids now. But, I will always remember that dress and the faith lessons it taught me.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:25-26 NIV
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