Some days if you run into me at the grocery store, you might be impressed with the number of fresh and healthy options in my cart. Other days, you might be horrified at what I feed my family.
Because while I try my best to parent well, I’ve given up on trying to do it perfectly. After a decade of parenting I’ve finally accepted that life and mothering are an endless series of paradoxes, and it’s impossible to do everything right 100% of the time. Because what’s “right” one moment might not be right the next.
Things change from day to day and season to season. And as moms, we have to hold our parenting practices loosely. Because if we don’t, we’ll drive ourselves mad.
Mama, freedom and connection only come from authenticity. And you need both if you’re going to get through this season unscathed. Don’t wrap your identity so tightly in one aspect of parenting that you’re afraid or ashamed to admit when you diverge from it. And never, ever pretend to be something you’re not just because you think it’s expected of you.
Mama, I’ve got a secret to tell you. Those moms who seem to do everything perfectly? They’re lying. Or they’re unhappy. Or most likely, they’re deathly afraid of what people will think if they discovered the truth.
Because here’s the truth: We’re all living in the paradox. We’re all navigating the tension. And today I’m bringing it to light with the Mom Manifesto you didn’t know you needed.
The Mom Manifesto You Didn’t Know You Needed
I’m a mom. I believe in loving my family well. But to do so I have to believe in a lot of different things:
- I believe in healthy eating. Scratch cooking. Family dinners.
- But I also believe in sanity, convenience, and spontaneity.
- I believe in food prep to save time & money, and takeout on the couch at the end of a busy day.
- I believe in sack lunches, kids packing their own meals, and chore charts.
- But I also believe in school lunches for simplicity, packing my kids’ lunches to be kind, and sidelining chores in favor of playtime outside.
- I believe in limiting screen time during the day and binge-watching Netflix after they kids are in bed.
- I believe in staying active to keep my body healthy and skipping workouts without guilt for a season of rest.
- I believe in losing the weight and loving the body you’re in.
- I believe in consistent discipline and occasional grace.
- I believe in a kid-free bed and snuggling up with the littles.
- I believe in giving kids responsibility and serving them selflessly.
- I believe in nights out with the girls and evenings in with the fam.
- I believe in limiting sugar and eating ice cream for dinner.
- I believe in homeopathic remedies and the science of modern medicine.
- I believe in a daily routine and spontaneous adventures.
- I believe in staying home with my kids and having a career outside the home.
- I believe in saving money, being frugal, generosity, and splurging.
- I believe in a tidy house and leaving the messes.
- I believe in the quality of public school, the benefits of private school, and the flexibility of homeschooling.
- I believe in a clean house for company and scruffy hospitality to make friends feel welcome.
- I believe in planning activities and letting kids be bored.
- I believe in stopping what I’m doing to give them all of my attention and ignoring them so I can finish the dishes.
- I believe in keeping my kids safe and encouraging their independence.
- I believe in letting kids be loud and making them be quiet.
- I believe in helping them succeed and allowing them to fail.
Above all, I believe in doing my best. And that means living in the tension of the paradoxes of motherhood, choosing an unfamilar path when the moment dictates it, and casting off the expectations of others. It means loving my family well, and understanding that what’s right for my family in their exact moment of need doesn’t always follow the rules that everyone else (including myself) expects me to live by.
It means living free.
What do you need on your Mom Manifesto?
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Read more of Kristina’s contributions to allmomdoes here.
