The other day I was about to exit Starbucks when I saw a mom and her teenage son through the glass doors. I paused to give them space to enter. The mom looked at her son and gestured for him to go ahead of her so he walked up to the door, yanked it open, and walked on through.
I chuckled as I saw the mom’s reaction. It was subtle, but I caught the slight headshake, shoulder shrug, and eyeroll. She obviously was expecting him to hold the door for her, but he had missed the memo.
As our paths crossed I wanted her to know her efforts were seen. “Good job, mama,” I laughed. “I’ve got one the same age. I see what you tried to do there.” She laughed back – and then we shared a knowing smirk because these years are the unseen years.
They’re the years when we have to be extra-careful about what we share with others because our kids are coming into their own and deserve a new level of privacy. They’re the years when parenting efforts are intense, but the payoff isn’t immediate. We don’t see them finally take off on a two-wheeler, master the potty, or tie their shoes after regularly working with them on a specific, tangible skill.
These are the planting years, and for many parents of teens, this season is difficult. The effects of hormones and peer groups and rebellion and academic stress all converge on their parental relationships. Their safe space.
But mama, this is the time you need to stay the course. Keep navigating the turbulent waters with a clear and steadfast purpose. Infuse a bit of humor. And don’t take things so personally.
There’s also an urgency in these unseen years. The finish line is in sight, and you wonder – have I done enough? What lessons have I failed to teach? Will they ever learn to be polite and open doors for others?
Keep at it, mama. We’re all there with you. And the radio silence that makes you wonder whether you’re alone in this season doesn’t mean that you are. It means that we’re all going through the same thing.
Find your safe people. Make the little moments count. Celebrate the small victories.
And, eventually, delight in the fruit that’s borne after these unseen years are complete. Because it will pay off.
Eventually, and in God’s perfect timing.
