I had eye surgery last week. I’m a bit of a veteran at it as this was my fourth one. I expected to breeze through it and be back to normal quickly. When that didn’t happen, some whining commenced. OK, maybe a lot of whining, and quite a bit of crabbiness too.
We have five basic senses (some say more), but the standards are: sight, hearing, touch, smell, and taste. We tend to take them for granted. They sit in the background, ready for us to use at any given moment. It is only when one (or more) of them are on the fritz that we are forced to take notice of them.
Again, I should be a veteran of losing a basic sense because, after a long battle with disease, I lost the hearing in my left ear. I’d like to say that I accepted this loss with grace and faith, but that wouldn’t be true. Instead, I went through all the stages of grief and anger as I adapted to my hearing and vestibular losses.
Losing one part of my sensory system made me wonder how I would react if I lost more (specifically my sight). I pictured myself floating through my garden, still able to smell my flowers and feel the wind on my face.
Why do I always picture myself handling things with ease? Do I hope that by thinking that way I can make it real? How God must shake His head as I daydream about my graceful accomplishments.
Anyway, I thought I was prepared for this eye surgery. I knew there would be some recovery time and I figured that I would be patient while I waited for my sight to stabilize. Once again, I was shocked to find that wasn’t the case.
Because I had surgery on my “good” eye, the lack of sight in that eye meant that I had little to no vision at all. When they removed the bandages 24 hours later and I found that my sight was still completely unusable, I felt my bratty attitude return. I’d already gone through hearing loss and now this? Come on, having sight was my RIGHT!
As time has gone by and I still have regained only partial sight, my crabbiness has only grown. And no, I still haven’t made it out to the garden to smell the flowers and feel the wind on my face! I’m too busy grumbling and complaining.
I finally found the wisdom to try and squint at my Bible. As I was flipping pages, this verse popped into my murky view:
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:7
Seriously? I had to shake my head and laugh. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
My surgery had given me an excuse to stop, rest, and listen, not with earthly ears, but with faith-filled ears. The loss of sight meant that I was not distracted by the busyness of phones, computers, televisions and all the other things that take my attention away from God. This loss could be viewed as a gift, and I had blown it. I was so focused on my losses in this world that I lost sight (get it?) of what I had gained in the spiritual world.
Whenever I fall into crabbiness yet again, I hear those words repeated (even in my deaf ear):
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
Thank you, God, for that reminder. And, thank you for reminding me that you are here with me in the darkness. I am not alone, and I am not abandoned. You love even crabby girls with half their hearing and temporary blindness.
I feel so loved by that knowledge.
PIN THIS!
Read more of Ann’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
