What’s Next?

We have made big strides in bringing mental illness out into the open. People are more apt to talk about their struggles with anxiety and depression and that’s a very good thing. But, then what? Are we equipped to help or even handle it when friends share their pain?

Have you ever tried to share with the people in your life how overwhelmed you are with this whole mothering thing? Invariably, the responses follow one of two paths. Either they tell you that they feel the same way (thus negating your admission of struggling) or they will tell you about another mother who has it way worse than you do (she has more kids, a smaller house, works full-time, is a single mom, etc.). Sadly, while these are the common responses, neither of them is very comforting.

So much of human pain and suffering is invisible. We cannot judge what a mother is going through just by outside appearances. Some of the “happiest” people I know hide a huge amount of pain behind a beautiful smile.

From the outside, it looks like “Tina”needs more help than “Susie”. Tina works outside the home, runs the PTA, exercises, fosters animals AND raises her four kids. But, she doesn’t struggle with self-worth. Depression and anxiety are unknown to her. Instead, she jumps out of bed each day ready to conquer the world.

Susie, on the other hand, is a stay-at-home mom and she has one child. Her life looks easy by comparison. But,she wakes up each day so exhausted that she can barely get out of bed. She feels like nothing she does is good enough. Anxiety is her constant companion and depression makes her physically ache and drains what energy she has left.

Whether it be depression, anxiety or chronic illness, some moms fight exhausting battles that no one ever sees. They may not achieve the things this world tends to value, but believe me, fighting the demons in their life takes more energy than “Tina” has ever had to expel.

And, whether you offer to take a friend to a doctor’s appointment or drop off a meal, your actions will mean the world to a struggling mom. Maybe you’ll simply offer a listening ear and instead of saying, “Yeah, I’m tired too,” you’ll say, “I’m so sorry you’re suffering right now, tell me what you’re going through.”

Sometimes, having someone acknowledge your pain does more healing than anything else.

And, if you’re the one suffering, I pray that you have someone in your life who listens to you and acknowledges how hard you are fighting to be the kind of mom you want to be.

All moms deserve that.