When my first born was about a week old, I had what I will refer to as a short spurt of postpartum depression. I don’t know if it would actually be classified as that because the duration was only a couple of days and I don’t want to try to compare to women who have had actual postpartum. But whatever it was, it came on fast. It was this sudden wash over me of being completely overwhelmed to the point of tears and not knowing exactly what these feelings were let alone why they suddenly hit. Sure, I knew it was due to the whirl of hormones and all that my mind and body had just been through. But in the midst of feeling this way, it didn’t really help to tell myself to blame this on hormones. Even as a brand new mom, I immediately was shown the relentless world of mom guilt. Surely, feeling this way was somehow my fault.
Just a few days in, I was overwhelmed.
I literally laugh now thinking about how adorably naïve I was in thinking that a couple days of feeling down would be one of the hardest parts of my parenting journey.
You know it- I was wrong.
Eight years into parenting, I still could not pin point what has been the hardest part thus far. I used to think that once my kids reached school age, it would get so much easier. I guess in some ways, it does. I am well beyond the stages of diapers, having a constant burn in my eyes from sleeping in increments of two hours, breastfeeding and having to watch their every move to make sure they don’t totally destruct my house…or themselves.
But mom, I am still overwhelmed. Not every day. But when that feeling hits, much like my stint of baby blues, it hits fast. Despite being out of the baby and toddler stages, I am now finding myself into the throes of things like PTA politics, juggling their schedules of extra-curricular activities and being their chauffeur everywhere. I am learning to balance my own emotions when they have a bad day- because all I want to do is make better but we cannot always do that. The opportunity to be overwhelmed as a parent doesn’t necessarily let up as they grow out of the baby stage. It just shifts.
Particularly for those of us who are full time working moms, I think there is this added pressure once the kids are school aged. Sure, you can have a full time career. But also- attend class parties, join the PTA and basically feel pressure to do everything you might do if you were a stay at home mom. And when you get home each night, that laundry isn’t going to do itself and the kids are starving so better hop to it.
Mom, I have one word for you if you are feeling overwhelmed:
Stop.
If there is any wisdom I can share with you, it’s to stop. Stop putting the pressure on yourself to do things like volunteer to put together gingerbread houses for your kids entire class (yes, I did this) or be President of the PTA (yup, did this too). Perhaps pick one thing a quarter that you will do for the school, tell your kids they can pick one sport versus three or ensure you set up a carpool to lift some of the responsibility off of yourself.
I very recently did this. I asked God to help define what was really bringing me joy, what I could maybe let go of. I knew the answers all along but needed a little push from Him I think. I ended up making some tough decisions and letting go of some things I enjoyed but, at the same time, were overwhelming me.
I know I am still going to feel overwhelmed. A lot. But I am learning that parenting, working and the things we have to do can be overwhelming enough as it is without sprinkling in added chaos.
What could you stop doing or do less of? I challenge you to reflect on this. The biggest hurdle in this might just be yourself. For myself, I think deep down I struggle with trying to prove that I can take on more than others. It has taken me years to even understand this is what I might be doing and that maybe I should stop in areas I can.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2
When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path.
In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me.Psalm 142:3
The All Mom Does community is here for you. We understand feeling overwhelmed and how impossible it can be to determine what to stop. YOU are doing an awesome job.
RELATED:
Taking Specific Steps to Avoid Feeling Overwhelmed
Postpartum Depression: It’s Not Your Fault
You Can’t Escape Mom Guilt, So Learn to Embrace It
Read more of Stephanie’s contributions to allmomdoes here.
