Have bad dreams ever disrupted your family’s slumber? They aren’t only terrifying for children, but they can be jarring for moms and dads, too! One minute you’re fast asleep, enjoying every precious second of shut eye that you can get. Then suddenly, you hear it: the creaking of a bed frame followed by the rattling of your doorknob. You hear feet thumping across the floor accompanied by terrible howls. Suddenly, you feel something, or someone, crashing into your bed. So it begins, the sometimes very long process of calming the storm and helping your sweet, scared child get back to sleep.
For some people, the answer is simple: lift-up your blankets and have your terrified tot sleep in your bed for the rest of the night. After-all, it can be heartbreaking to see your child so scared and you just want to keep them close to ease their minds. This is completely understandable! My well-intentioned husband is one of those people. This is likely because he is such a heavy sleeper that he isn’t quite sure what is even happening when one of our kids comes into our room scared at night. Most of the time, he has no recollection of the event once the sun comes up. He also doesn’t tend to notice the child rolling between us all night. There have been many times when one of our kids comes bounding into our room and my dozy, half-asleep husband will start to lift the blankets to welcome them in. Knowing the type of night that lies ahead in that scenario, I quickly push the blankets back down and lead my little one back to bed.
I promise I’m not a monster, but after four kids and almost fourteen years of parenting, I do know that this isn’t the best solution for our family. If you’re a parent, especially a mother, you know how difficult uninterrupted sleep is to come by. I learned early on that I will hardly sleep the rest of the night if there is a child in my bed. I hear every noise, feel every jab, and just need this one place in my home to be a child-free zone. Mentally and physically, that space is so important to me. Not only that, but children can be habit-forming-especially in the younger years! I know that if we allow them into our bed once, it is likely to turn into a nightly affair which will make it that much harder to get them to stay in their beds. I think it’s important to note that the exception to this rule for our family is when we have a newborn baby in the bassinet right next to us. Otherwise, I will do what I can to help my children of any age to get back to sleep in their own beds.
Much like the crying-it-out method for babies and when done in a soothing way, it can give your kids the opportunity to face their fears while you comfort them. That can be easier said than done, especially depending on the severity of the nightmare and the age of your child. One of the most important things that we do from the earliest of ages, is to show our children that Jesus is our ultimate comfort. If they see that we count on Him for peace and protection, then hopefully that will help them to build up a foundation of trust as well. After-all, trusting Jesus over our fears is something we must choose to do every single day. My goal is to show them how powerful and mighty His name is-especially when they are overwhelmed by fear. Hopefully, as they get older, they will lean into their relationship with Jesus and count on Him to be their Good Shepherd, even in the darkest places.
When my kids come running in at night from a bad dream, there are several things I do to help them get back to sleep…
First, Listen. I ask if they want to tell me about it. As creepy as that can be depending on the dream, some kids find it helpful to get it all out so we can understand why they are so scared. Depending on your child’s personality, this might not be the case! Some of my kids would rather not say a word about the details and just want to curl up while I sing a song.
Second, Pray. I pray with my child for Jesus to send his best angels to watch over them and to fill our home with His Holy Spirit. We say, “In Jesus’ name, Go Away!” to the bad thoughts. I’ve also encouraged them to memorize Psalms 4:8, which I often repeat when I’ve had a stressful dream. “In peace, I will both lie down and sleep, For You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.”
Third, Encourage. This can be singing comforting songs, reading a short story to distract them, or even helping them to think of a happy movie or book to take their minds off the scary thoughts. One of my sons is always comforted by The Christmas Song, while another likes to hear Jesus Loves Me. My youngest hasn’t fully entered the bad-dream stage yet, but when he is nervous and seems startled awake it really helps if I encourage him to get cozy on his pillow so he can comfort his stuffed animal who isn’t feeling well. You never know what will work for each individual child!
Finally, Reassure. Sometimes, just knowing that you’ll be back in to check on them is all they need to get to sleep again. Even if you aren’t planning to get up and go back to their room, it can give them so much relief to know you’re right there and will be by their side in a few minutes to make sure they’re alright. Almost every single time I’ve said this, they go right back to sleep.
When all else fails and they are just struggling to be put at ease, I find it helps to turn on the light. My kids have nightlights, but when a bad dream strikes, they might just really need that bedside lamp switched on. I try everything else first because I do think they sleep better when the room is darker, but if it helps us all get back to bed then I am willing to let that light shine!
There are so many great bedtime prayer books for all ages out there. They’re helpful to read with your kids before bed or after a bad dream and can give them some extra comfort. One of our favorites is Bedtime Prayers by Bonnie Rickner Jensen. The sweet pictures, rhyming poems, and an encouraging verse on each page are reminders of our Shepherd’s love and faithfulness. Found by Sally Lloyd-Jones was gifted to us by my grandmother. It’s another powerful book with beautiful pictures that reminds our children they are never alone. This retelling of Psalm 23 can help ease their fears and give them a sense of security.
What do you and your family do when bad dreams creep in? Are you an everyone-pile-in-the-same-bed kind of family or do you try to keep everyone snoozing in their own space? If your kids are grown, what did you do to soothe them when they had nightmares? No matter what you do to ease the fears of your children or how much sleep is lost, try to take comfort in the fact that you are their safe place. Soak in these years when all they want is to be close to you, even when you are at your wits-end and want nothing more than to peel them off of your body. It’s a privilege to be their protectors, their under-the-bed checkers, and the ones who shine light in the darkness of the most menacing closets.
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Read more of Maria’s contributions to AllMomDoes here.
