Why I Don’t Have My Kids Write Christmas Lists

I was chatting with some girlfriends and lamented the fact that I wasn’t sure what to get my 12-year-old for Christmas. “Do your kids make lists? Do they write letters to Santa?” they asked.

No. No, they don’t.

But before I explain why, let me make one thing clear: There’s nothing wrong with making Christmas lists. I’m not implying your family shouldn’t make Christmas lists. And I’m not even saying that my kids have never made Christmas lists.

But as a general rule, if things are left up to me, my kids don’t make Christmas wish lists.

A part of the reason is because I don’t want them to be super focused on “stuff” at Christmas. But a bigger part is that I want my kids to be completely surprised on Christmas morning. I want them to have no idea what’s under the tree, and to look at the wrapped packages without hoping that a certain-sized box is {–insert random item from their wish list here–}.

I also feel like there’s something special about spending time reflecting on my children’s needs and interests and choosing the perfect gift. In my mind it conveys love and affection. And I love the anticipation of waiting for them to open gifts and experiencing their genuine reaction.

But as I was explaining all this to my friends it made me stop for a minute – am I doing this because of my own love language? It was never “gifts,” but in recent years I feel like that one has moved up higher on my list.

So I don’t have my kids write Christmas lists – but now I’m wondering if maybe I’m doing that more for my benefit than theirs. Still, when I reflect on times they have made lists I’ve felt like they’ve talked incessantly about what they’re getting for Christmas, added random items to the list, and to me it just feels…icky. I want their focus to be on so many other more important things during Christmas.

Maybe after Christmas morning I’ll ask them how they prefer to approach gift-giving. And if they want to make lists, it would sure make shopping for them and giving gift suggestions to the grandparents easier. But as it stands now, I don’t have my kids make Christmas lists.

And to be honest, I’m hoping it will stay that way.