Why You Need Mom Friends

Mom, Wife, Employee, Daughter, Sister…there are lots of roles that we play in life. When you became a mom, your priorities shifted. Your life shifted. It may seem like everything changed the day you added “Mom” to the list of roles you have.

But there is one critical role that often gets put on a back burner when we become moms. The role of Friend.

I consider myself a seasoned mom now that my kids are 10 and 13. I am well out of the diapers and naps stage and will soon be done with the elementary years altogether.

In all the seasons of motherhood I have experienced so far, one thing that has truly saved me is something I also think will save me in the seasons and challenges ahead of me.

My friendships.

You may have multiple friend groups. High school or college friends you still keep in touch with, co-workers you have become close to through working with them day in and day out. Friends you have met at the gym that keep you motivated to stay in shape. But the friend group I am talking about is more specific.

The friendships I am referring to are those who are in similar stages of parenting as you are. The friends you can text at 2am when you are nursing a fussy baby because you know they are up too. The friends who you can cry to when your toddler pours paint into a goldfish tank because they are also living those terrible yet terrific toddler years. The friends who will lift you up when you are up for a promotion and remind you what a stellar career mom you are; because they are too.

These are the women who have truly saved me during many ups and downs that I have experienced since becoming a mom 13 years ago. These are the women I will lean on in the coming years when life throws more challenges and triumphs my way.

You can meet these women in many different ways. Some may very well be childhood friends you have stayed close with and find yourself living parallel lives with or women you were sorority sisters with.

That wasn’t the path for me.

I found my group, my tribe, my people in a way that to this day I know was God’s intentional path for me. Through church. It seems a little over the top for me to say that God’s plan brought us together all because of church. But it’s true. I will never forget the day I met these women and my life was changed. Not in some lightening bolt sort of way. But it was changed.

There are mom bullies and people we don’t necessarily click with and that is always going to be the case. We have to be careful about who we surround ourselves with and who we spend our valuable time with. But if we deprive ourselves of positive friendships, I believe we are not experiencing motherhood to its fullest

Motherhood is isolating. Working mom, stay-at-home mom or somewhere in-between, I can guarantee you have felt alone, tired, overwhelmed and second-guessing your parenting on more than a few occasions. It’s easy to say we are too busy nurturing the lives of our children to possibly put any energy into nurturing other relationships. Trust me, I get it!

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

I love this verse because it equates to many relationships and roles that I play in life. My husband I truly are better together and help each other up when we fall.

BUT…

As amazing as my husband is, there is one thing he cannot do. He cannot fully understand what it is like to be a mom (and rightfully so; we will never understand what it is like to be a dad!)

He can share chores, kid pick up/drop off, homework help and TLC. He can be an amazing dad and husband.

But…

He can’t truly understand the mom guilt that is brewing under every situation or the one million things that moms seem to always have spinning in our heads.

I believe…

Friends are truly critical to our sanity. Those who call us friend means that we are playing a critical role in their sanity.

Friends are there to confirm we are not crazy for having seemingly crazy thoughts sometimes. We believe them because we know they have been there too. We know they too are not perfect. When you are crying because you think you are not packing healthy enough lunches, sure enough one of your friends will make you feel better by admitting her kid buys school lunches every day because she is just too overwhelmed to pack it. When your kid goes to the principal’s office and you feel at your wits end with what to do, your friend will be there to remind you of the time her kid peed outside during recess.

The isolation and stress we feel as moms can feel much lighter when we have a friend or two that really gets it. Someone who can turn our tears into laughter. Someone who not only listens but also has their own crazy stories to make you feel like you are not the only one in the thick of it.

If you haven’t yet met your group, your tribe, your people; do not be discouraged. Don’t be discouraged if your friendships shift as time goes by. Sometimes God puts people in our lives for a season, not necessarily with a forever plan.

Mom, Wife, Employee, Daughter, Sister…

I encourage you to not be afraid to also add friend to the list of roles we get to play in life. It just might result in your life changing for the better.

Mom Bullies

How I Found My Tribe

Words Matter: Working Moms Are “Blessed” Too